Cindy's Little Happy Place

Lessons

2011-01-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

Just to quote my beautiful boy, Andy....

Jan 11, 2011

Hey momma, I hope you are feelin better today :) sorry I couldn't find a ride up there last night :( but it was prob a good thing cause the national championship of college football was on last night and I'm sure you girls didn't wanna watch that but I'm sad I didn't get to see you you all... sorry it took me awhile to write you back today. I've just been way down today. The whole Kim's death has just hit me hard as of late, but I love ya Mom.

This whole situation is just really starting to get to me with the neck brace. It's driving me insane to all these emotions starting to hit me. It makes me really mad, the cops still investigating who was at fault. It messes with everyone's case.

I know everything will work out. I pray to God it does, cause I'm planning on starting my life over if a settlement is reached. It will give me a 2nd chance to fix all the things I wish I would have done instead of the path I chose, so I keep praying everyday.

Sleep good Mom. Know I'm thinking about you and you are always in my prayers.

Drew

Here's to Old Vegas, New Vegas & to More Sprites In My Life

2010-08-06T19:29:00.000-07:00

I think it's been over a year now since I put a post on my blog. Wow, could it really be?? I think my life took a series of so many twists n turns and high n lows, that the blog just kinda took the "back seat". It was actually my outlet for a period of time, to be able to write and share pictures with all of my family and good friends who I feel I can trust my inner most personal thoughts, feelings, experiences and pictures with! But I think all of you who have access to my blog address, already know what I've gone thru, so you are all the people that I trust with my LIFE.. so once again I feel you are the ones that are significant and meaningful in so many ways that it is a joy to write again and just share personal thoughts.

I have so much I want to say and write about, but for now, just for today I want to write about one person who has touched my life in a way that I truly can not fully tell, but I will try my best in another way.

I met John a few years ago... he's been an amazing friend to me thru good times and bad times.. highs and lows, as relationships go. But this man, stands out among all friends that I have ever had. Our friendship is timeless and will last forever.

Without going into much detail or explanation of years prior, I would just like to say this. He has such an interspective on people and life and ME that dare I say, it is a bit overwhelming (in a good way), to know that HE would do something that is so meaningful... for ME, and in so many ways... with the purest of heart, and with no expectation of anything in return. That is Johnny's style, all the way. He is my dearest friend and someone who I trust and that I place in such high regard. He truly makes me smile.

I have had to hold so much that is private to me... exactly that, private. I know my decisions have not always been good with people, and I know my family and dear, close friends protect me because they love me and do not ever want to see me get so burned and hurt again, because it affects everyone. We are such an incredibly close family and I thank God every day for each of you. I would not change a thing, and I am so grateful for the love and protection that I have from you. You are my life, my everything, and I will never jeapordize each of my precious relationships with you. I know that you only want my happiness and that everything you do for me is out of love. If I died today, I would be the happiest girl God placed on His beautiful Earth, because I had each of you. You are my whole world.

I felt so compelled to write about John tonite because he did something so extraordinary for me, that it brought tears to my eyes for days. No one knows what the last few years have done to me... I'm still recovering, but I'm getting better. I just didn't want to talk about any of my depression with the people in my life that feed me with so much love and support, I just always want to be a rock for each of you in the best way I know how. I'm sure you noticed I was struggling and pretending I was ok when I really wasn't, but I never wanted to let it show. I felt like I always needed to be the strong one for my family... my kids, and that I shouldn't reveal what felt like at the time, weakness. God forbid, right? We are Jackson's! We are the toughest of the tough!! We never give up. I thank Gramps for teaching that value to me, to us! I love him for that because it's helped me to always hold my head high, no matter what is going on.

So, now, Johnny this is for you. You are one of those extraordinary people, who showed up at the most needed times, said the things someone, that is truly in healing, needs to hear to feel loved and valued, and you never expected one thing in return. I will never forget what you did for me.. and how you made me feel for 2 perfect days. You "knew" what was needed in my life, and you handed me this perfect "50" year Birthday gift, of experiences and memories. It was awesome on every level. Thank you for inspiring me to write again. Mandalay Bay, I have to say, is the most unforgettable night for me. But every experience with you there is now a precious memory that I will savor forever! It was truly 2 days of magic, and 2 days that allowed me to let go of all my worries and cares. You made me laugh and you made me cry... but the happy cry kind! Oh, wow did I cry. Only God knows what that meant to me. I love you my pure, eternal friend who has blessed my life in at least 7 thousand, ok, million ways!!!

I think I'm in LOVE with THESE!

2009-05-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

Stacked Flats... they are soooo cool. It's condominiums, retro style.

Retail stores on the bottom level. Outlandishly beautiful on the inside!

A Very FUNNY Conversation with my Girl...

2009-04-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

I took Liv to the park today... and on our way there we had quite a little conversation... and, I'm still laughing!!!

Liv: Grammy, I'm not going to marry someone with brown skin.

Me: Umm... oh really? Why is that baby?

Liv: Well, because Chase has white skin and blonde hair like me.

Me: Oh... umm, well who is Chase sweetie?

Liv: Oh, he's this boy in my preschool class. But he likes Addison.

Me: umm... well, so is this about you liking Chase?

Liv: well, yeah, but he likes Addison, Grammy.

Me: well, how could that be? You're like the cutest girl in your class!

Liv: well, he said he was going to marry her.

Me: well, don't you think that they're too young to be thinking about that?

Liv: well, gramma, they're not going to get married until their grownup like you.

Me: So, there's a lot of time for them to think about it, don't ya think?

Liv: yeah, so that's why maybe I won't marry someone with brown skin because Chase has blonde hair and white skin.

Boy... is she thinking ahead.

OMGosh... and I'm talking to a 4 year old here???

Liv's 1st Soccer Game!!!

2009-04-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

Takin' a little time out from runnin' the field.
Is she cute or WHAT???

Livia & HannahDaddy did her hair... good job, huh?

Action Shot!
Liv's 1st Soccer Game Spring 2009! Their team name is... "Little Grass Stains" ... oh my gosh... what an adorable scene it was :) Liv rocked, even though between plays she ran off the field to play with the puppy... :)

Adam Lambert Is MY PICK!

2009-04-16T19:38:00.000-07:00

What can I say? He IS the BEST!

Mad World.. Tracks of My Tears.. Born to Be Wild.. every single week he KICKS IT!

Easter Memories... 2009

2009-04-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

Baby bump! cute.

I think my beautiful girls had FUN... this is the absolute BEST part of Easter!!!

Easter Weekend at the Gathering Place!!!

2009-04-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

What can I say?! We had such a great time at the Gathering Place...!

Art's Festival was just "one" of the many things we did! Thanks Mom and Dad for a fantastic Easter weekend together!!! Love you :)

Maybe a Little JJ on the way... we are OVER THE MOON!

2009-04-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

aAAnd.... baby makes 4 in the Leake'Ohana!!! AM I THE HAPPIEST GRAMMY IN THE WORLD, OR WHAT???

Another Fun Friday Wedding Shoppin' Day with my Fav Girls in the Whole World!

2009-04-04T12:22:00.000-07:00

Amanda, Justina, Liv, Me, and Brittany havin' lunch before bridal gown shoppin' begins!!!

What a fun day we had... just us girls :)

Justina... you make a beeeautiful BRIDE-TO-BE!!!

2009-04-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

"The Girls" once again, had another incredibly fun day wedding shopping with Justina and her best friend Amanda!!! I think she's found her gown...!

Try This Excercise... for YOU

2009-04-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

What if... your life, right now as you know it, came to an end. You ALL know, that I am forever the eternal optimist, so hear me out. If your life, right now could be summed up by the people in your life that matter most, the experiences that you know that when they happen, they just nudge you on a deeper level than most and compel us to be better or to revisit what your core values may be, and thirdly, the things that when they happen, are truly moments that call you up to a higher level, or just simply put are so inspiring, they change us. You aren't experiencing any of this, you say? Then maybe it's time to s-t-r-e-t-c-h... unless you choose to live in mediocrity.

Ask yourself, or rather answer to yourself the following 3 things... and write them down and keep them out in the open where you will notice them, where for you will be a reminder of where you are right now!

1. Name the 3 people in your life, that influence you the most, for the better... who are good for you.

2. What have been the 3 most life changing experiences throughout the course of your life?

3. What 3 things would you do, if you could do anything and why?

I found this to be one of the best excercises in "framing your life" right now, sort of a check point of how you truly feel about what's most important and what you are doing about it. It's about you and what you need.. and what is most important... bottom line. Try it!

Our Fun Day at Gateway!

2009-03-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

Daddy helping Liv climb the wall and everything else it has to offer at Gateway Discovery on Saturday... what a great day it was! We played, we shopped, we ate, bought some serious treats... then we played some more!!!

A Few Things On My Mind Today..

2009-03-28T00:38:00.000-07:00

There's this part of me that is just waiting for me to say some things... don't know what or why for sure, but I think I have plenty that I want to say.... just a little something for whatever reason I need to write.

So much of what we experience is part of what we really truly each choose to make happen... it's just that simple. Life here is not that complicated. Just choose, please choose to try to be happy, no matter what. That's it. Just take whatever your circumstances are and make them GREATER than the circumstance. Laugh at it. Loose yourself in it. Be in it... and just love that you get to be part of this incredible experience here. Life is not meant to be a terrible journey or bad experience for any of us, I really know that!!! Find JOY. Really FIND JOY!!!! Laugh and love and don't take things too seriously... EVERYONE can find, feel it, and experience it. We all have our challenges, and BOY ARE THEY CHALLENGES!!!! But, with that said, in those challenges, find beauty in them some..way. Because that is what we are here to find.. and I think that is maybe the lesson. We can't live in this universe without lessons, right..? Nobody will escape that... and because that is the reality... simply put. We are eached tossed a handful or two of them, and I feel strongly that when you do, you will feel that beautiful sweet joy. It's in your every wakening experience. It's right in front of you. Just reach out and make it yours. It's sweet in it's imperfect perfect beauty. Nothing, nor is anyone perfect... so let go of what your perception or expectation of what happiness is... because it will never be found this way. Just LIVE IT! Be IN IT... but raise the bar high for YOU! Whatever your experience is right now... make it better than just what you have accepted... make a choice for YOU.. set a STANDARD of what you want for yourself!!!! Because you are EVERTHING and God gave... YOU. Nobody can take away from you what is your honor, your individual beautiful perfect and wonderful self worth... your soul. It is solely yours to love, nurture, look after and govern. So value and honor the person that you are blessed to BE... and never never let ANYONE or ANY CIRCUMSTANCE take that away... you are your gift to look after to love and give back... to help the people in YOUR life.. that love you and need you.

Adam Lambert is My Pick on American Idol for Smokey Robinson's Song Entitled "Tracks of My Tears"... It's Awesome!

2009-03-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

People say I'm the life of the party
Because I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..I need you, need you
Since you left me if you see me with another girl
Seeming like I'm having fun
Although she may be cute
She's just a substitute
Because you're the permanent one..So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..I need you, need you
Outside I'm masquerading
Inside my hope is fading
Just a clown oh yeah
Since you put me down
My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up with you..So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears

Liv & Annie Made Greeting Cards to Kate & her Pups

2009-03-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

My 2 fav girls lookin' after Kate's little babes... welcoming these precious little pups! Thankfully I have these 2 checkin' in every day giving them lots of love while Grammy is at work!

Puppy Update!

2009-03-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

Update on my Kate... the 2 babies left were never born during the night. I was up most of the night waiting and watching to be sure that everything would be ok with Mama Kate. Finally, around 9:00am this morning, Julia and I made a call to the vet to find out what we needed to do next. They were mostly concerned that if the pups were not alive, that she would get a serious infection that could cost her... her life. So, she just had the C-section and I just barely received a call from the doc... one puppy made it the other not, but Mama is doing good! So... pretty much all good news mostly because Kate was my main concern!!! We have 3 females and 1 male! I get to pick them up at 5:30 today and bring em' all home finally!

We Have Puppies

2009-03-22T22:53:00.001-07:00

Little Kate gave birth to "3" adorable little pups today! Mommy and babies are doing well... but she's not done yet! The doc says she has "2" more to go... so sometime tonight! Wow, my little Kate, how did you do this? It's been quite an eventful day, with visitors coming and going all day long. I feel like it was me having babies and people were coming to visit me in the hospital, bringing gifts and all! Thanks Julia & Clark for hangin' out with me off and on all day and calling another doc for a 2nd opinion! Are we all on it or what? What a great support team I have! And Monty... thanks for pickin' up dinner for me and hangin' out with me this evening... what a great date night we had! Liv and Annie was perfectly precious, attending to Kate's every need, restoring her strength with fresh doggy water and turkey slices brought to her bedside. What a team you 2 girls are! Couldn't have done it without you all! :)

I'll keep ya'll updated once they're all here and I'll post some pics tomorrow of these perfect little babes!

Wedding Bells are beginning to RING!

2009-03-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

Brittany, Liv and Justina.. my girls are soooo beautiful! We spent the afternoon together checkin' out wedding options at Thanksgiving Point for Landon & Justina...! We had a BLAST :)

Swimming Suits... 2009

2009-03-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

So... which one ladies???

Ready to Ride?

2009-03-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

Alll..righty gang! It's that time of year! Is everyone ready?

I Like This One :)

2009-03-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her..

Girls Night Out!!!

2009-03-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

Date night at Cheesecake Factory with my girls... what a fun time we had!!!

2009-03-11T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hi Rick...

Just in case you ever log on to my blog again... I would just like to tell you thank you for the good memories and incredibly fun times we had together. I think enough of you that I hope you and I can remain good friends, always. You are truly a sweetheart, and I want to thank-you for the short time we had together. It made for an incredible memory book. If this makes any sense at all to you, I just truly believe you and I ultimatley were on different tracks in life, trying hard to merge them, but in the end it doesn't make for long-term happiness. I hope you understand me.. I think you do. I wish you the best in everything, always.

My Little Annie

2009-03-11T18:25:00.000-07:00

Annie wrote a poem to Kate & Harvey and their new puppies due anyday... is she just cute or "what"? I will post it soon :)

There's goin' to be a WEDDING in August!!!

2009-03-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

Justina... you are beeeeautiful inside and out. Seeing you and Landon on Sunday made me the happiest Mom in the world. I love you already and can't wait to plan yours and Landon's wedding with you!

Languages of Love

2009-02-12T10:30:00.001-08:00

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be... It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for."

Little Valentine Message ....

2009-02-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

"Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame."

- Henry David Thoreau

Saturday Night Slumber Party with my Liv

2009-02-10T21:36:00.000-08:00

Liv is my perfect subject for any photography... she just rolls with it. She's my girl.

Brittany... you should do more of this :)

2008-12-29T19:13:00.000-08:00

Boo, I just love this picture of you

I love the look of Christmas Eve....

2008-12-29T18:50:00.001-08:00

I think Christmas Eve is the best part about Christmas.... :)

Christmas Spin 2008

2008-12-23T08:51:00.000-08:00

Clark... you are the man. What you do with "Team Roadrunners" is just beyond me.... JK!

I missed some fun!

What a Story

2008-12-22T23:38:00.000-08:00

I have this GRRREAT Christmas story that I want to share with you....! It makes me so happy to tell it!!!

3 weeks or so ago I took my beautiful Liv along with Annie and Auntie JJ to experience another "date night" together. Well.... this is how this story started....

We arrived to the store called "Build a Bear". See, my grand idea was to take Liv into Build-a-Bear... (to be a Christmas gift from me).. let her pick out anything she wanted on the animal kingdom side of things... and have the experience of making her own stuffed animal, fully clothed with costume, etc... yeah you all know the drill, I think. Oh yeah, and of course not to mention the "birth certificate" that is in tow with this luxurious retail experience. Well, it all went just fanatastic... so much fun. So as we leave the store we are all completely starving for dinner. We head on down to the food court, laughing and having just a great time. We all eat dinner, and are just having ourselves a good time together. Well... the little girls see the Chocolate Factory and jump up to take a look at those beautiful morsels of chocolate. Sissy and I slowly meander after them, grabbing jackets, etc. to catch up. As we chat and laugh with one another, suddenly I look at them in complete panic mode. "Who has the Ariel Puppy", I yell out??? oh my gosh... are you kidding me.? We run back to our table, and would you know??? PUPPY IS GONE!!! A few people around us mentioned that a man came by and swooped this adorable puppy up and yes, he did inquire as to who it may belong to, but then left with it. Hmmm, a bit strange I think, but maybe he's concerned and has turned it in to the customer service area of the mall as was suggested by a few folks around. We make our way to this service booth, requested any info they might have, but to know avail. A very sad little Liv was so devastated that her puppy was gone forever, that someone would just up and take it like that. Well, let me tell you... this Grammy's fighting instincts weren't going to end there. My instincts got the best of me, and I quickly came up with the grand story that Christmas was the most magical time ever and that Santa watches everything and everyone and knows how to get "Ariel Puppy" back and will have it safely delivered to my Liv on Christmas morning. Hmmm... well we all know... this is now going to require a bit of creative effort from Grammy to pull it off successfully.

So... over the course of the next few days... I have several people so involved in this story by simply telling them about our escapade in the mall together on our little girls date night. One friend even went to the mall before I could and made sure that the "Ariel costume" was still available to buy. (big demand). She called me during a holiday night out with my family, just to let me know that there were "8" of them left and should she buy one right now to ensure I wouldn't miss getting one? What a good friend, seriously... but I politely declined as I knew I would be getting to the mall the next evening. Well, time did get a way for a few days, and once again panic started to set in. My number one goal truly needed to be to get back to the mall and make another Ariel Puppy NOW!!! Finally, I made it and yes the costumes were in and I made a new Ariel Puppy once again, birth certificate and all.... everything just as exact as it was the night I took Liv.

A few days later, I had Liv for a "sleepover" at my house. I had hid this adorable little puppy in my closet by my bedroom. While showering the next morning... would you know??? Liv made her way into the closet and FOUND PUPPY!!!! Oh boy... are you kidding me??? I stepped out of the bathroom, towel clenched, dripping with water, and there she was... Liv, standing in front of me, holding puppy, tears in her eyes, bewildered and completely shocked. I looked at her with the same shock and dismay? Liv!!! What are you doing with that??? She looked at me with those bright green eyes full of tears... "but Grammy... why did you take my puppy? Oooh boy. Here we go I thought... and boy did I think fast. Baby, ummm... see... it's like this. See... uh this little girl, uh, I believe her name is, ummm, yeah it's a... "Carli"... see she is just a little girl like you, and umm she comes from a family who doesn't have a lot sweetie... so you see, Grammy thought that maybe I could go make a beautiful "Ariel Puppy" like yours so that we could bring her something special like what Santa is going to bring you on Christmas morning. I told her about you and how special your puppy is and she wanted to have one just like yours. So, I was thinking that maybe we could take "Carli" this one that Grammy went and made and maybe we could take a few other toys to her house and make her feel special this Christmas. What do you think?

Would you know... my Liv was so on board with this story that she had every toy in mind that she owned that she wanted to give to Carli. For 3 days now, my Liv has been talking about what she wants to give Carli for Christmas. She hasn't even thought about herself and what she wants. Wow. I've got to make this happen and be sure that this is the most important part of Christmas for my granddaughter... for her to feel what this thing we do at Christmas is really what it is all about. I am realizing the responsiblity that is on my shoulders to see this to it's ultimate end.

The girls in my office are all just mystified and completely determined that we are coming up with a plan to execute this so called "mock service project" but transform it into a real deal. After several pow wow sessions of what we could do, it is finally determined that I am taking Ariel Puppy and the gifts that Liv is giving up to a friend's daughter's house. The plan is all in place... they will be at their house this evening and Liv and I will show up with all of our loot in tow. We leave it at their door, knock on their door and Liv and I run... you know like the secret Santa thing we've all done a time or two. Ali and her husband will open the door and take the items once we are off, and hang on tight to them until I pick them up tomorrow morning. Phew!!!!

Well, that's just exactly what Liv and I did tonight. So... now I pick them all back up in the morning, most importantly, Ariel Puppy, so of course Santa can make his delivery to Livia on Christmas morning. Magical. The rest of the gifts? I will be taking them to the Christmas Box House and leave them for homeless children to pick up on Christmas day.

The original Ariel Puppy? Don't know where she is... I just hope that the man who took her gives her to a beautiful little girl that may possibly go by the name of Carli... or anything for that matter... just as long as a little girl gets her.

December 22nd...

2008-12-21T21:51:00.001-08:00

MOM & DAD!!!

HAPPY HAPPY "53rd" ANNIVERSARY!!!

I LOVE YA MORE THAN ALL THE GRAINS OF SAND IN BERMUDA, GREECE, HAWAII, AND EVERY BEACH WE PLAYED ON IN SOUTHERN CAL...

...you will forever remain my inspiration... I love ya from the bottom of my heart.

Cyber

Ruff Ruff..Happy Holidays to Everyone... Love Niiko :)

2008-12-21T20:23:00.000-08:00

Niiko sends a shout out of his warmest wishes to all of you who have supported me and my blog from 2008-2009!!! Ruff!

2008 Timeline

2008-12-17T18:41:00.000-08:00

This time of year always makes me reflect back on the years past events. So... Julia and I decided we need to put together, with the help of Pops, a timeline of 2008's big events... there is definately something for each one of us, right? Well, it will be coming soon, in fact Christmas Eve, alright? I have several, personally, to be honest here and it's quite entertaining to see it in print... so WATCH FOR IT SOON!!!

I love you all :)

Ally is a new Mommy... Congrats!!!

2008-12-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

Boo & Landon's sissy... Ally!

She is a doll

My Girls

2008-12-17T10:19:00.000-08:00

My Girls are My Loves

Brittany and Katie.... you girls keep me young :)

2008-10-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

My beeeeauuutiful daughter (cute one on the right) in one of her shining moments.... I just love my baby girl.

Thought Provoking & Captivating.... I love this...

2008-10-09T17:25:00.000-07:00

Leonora & Russell are my dearest Grammy and Gramps... I love the feeling that Brittany captured with Liv here.

Isn't he soooo gorgeous... and yep, he's my son!!!

2008-10-09T17:20:00.001-07:00

Jaron... you are perfect male material for Britt to experiment her photography skills on.....

Dr. J Rocks the House!

2008-09-17T11:31:00.001-07:00

I love my handsome brother! Thanks for letting me run your front office!

I love being with all of the "JO" staff

Jennifer Harper & Olivia Bostwick... Owners of Life Salon & Spa

2008-09-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

Meet the owners of Life! I adore them. Great savvy business women. They created a beautiful place to escape to and be pampered. I love our team.

It's been a GREAT summer... 2008!

2008-08-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

This summer has been one of the most memorable summers for me. I was given the lucky chance of being laid off from the company that I worked with for 8 years!!! Lucky you say? Yes! I was given the time to be home with my boys and to simply catch up and smell the roses. It has been wonderful. Every single minute. So many new doors have opened... we don't realize what we are missing when what we are doing is so completely routine. Life is so incredible with so many experiences for us to enjoy that we are unaware of. I feel like I was handed a beautiful gift for free. Strange, it seems, but I feel like someone just "knew" it was my turn and that I was suppose to have my life flip completely upside down, literally. Some people really felt bad for me, but I never ever felt that way. I felt like I was being looked after. So, "thank you up there" to my beautiful Maker, the One that knows me, knows what I need so that I can be challenged in a new way and grow to a new, better level... and knows that I was ready for it. I am one of the luckiest, happiest people that I know. I still have my challenges, moments of feeling like a fish out of water, but they make me who I am and mold me to be what I know I am capable of. One thing I know for sure... is that God knows what is best for us... the good, the sad, the hard, the bad... bad only if we look at it that way. But He knows what we each need to get us to where He knows we were born to be. We just have to trust that when the lemons in life are thrown at us, there is truly a reason.

A Beautiful Day in Fairview.... Thank you Brittany for all the Beautiful Pictures!

2008-07-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

This was such a special day... Thank you family!
Once again, Brittany gives us such a beautiful gift in her work!

A Quote From a Wise Soul & Great Friend of Mine

2008-07-17T22:44:00.000-07:00

"You can try to repair a crack in the soul from a fall.... never to be the same from which it was created. Some never mend due to neglect and abandonment, others made stronger and more aware of the care required to protect and move forward with a new mantle of trust and joy".

Miss u Mike

Our Fav Summer Get-A-Way Is Coming!

2008-07-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

Our Favorite PC Resort...! I can't wait to spend time with my family here!

It's coming up!!!

Here We Are! "Team Wasatch Roadrunners"

2008-07-15T18:29:00.000-07:00

I am so grateful for this chapter in my life!

Love you Britt & Jaron, Katie & Jason! Great Night with Journey-Heart-Cheaptrick

2008-07-14T22:53:00.000-07:00

Such a Great Band, Journey & Heart

2008-07-12T00:58:00.000-07:00

Wow guys... what a night! Britt and Jar please send over the pictures soooon! Thanks for such a fun evening! You guys are seriously the funnest people I know, I love you! Hope the gang had fun at The Hotel!

Hey Hey.... Friday Night!

2008-07-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

LOVE THESE GUYS... ALL 3!!!

Guilty....

2008-07-08T16:34:00.000-07:00

I'm soooo guilty of NOT (yes I said that) recycling these little gems. My day:

Wake up: Drink one while exercising
1 hour later: Grab another one and pour SXinney into it (yes, this stuff is amazing)
Before Lunch: Grab another to take while driving wherever it is that I go (hehe)
After Lunch: Grab another...
and it goes like this all day until bed. I should buy stock in every bottled water company know to man.
So Brittany says to me the other day: Mom, how many of those bottles do you drink a day? And... by the way, I hope that you are recycling them???? Oops... I honestly couldn't answer her with that yes answer she was searching for. MOM!!! YOU HAVE TO BE RECYCLING THOSE BOTTLES... PLEASE!!! Ok ok, I'm listening now. (I love that my kids are now telling me how to live more responsibly) tsk tsk.

Love this message...

2008-07-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

Thursday, July 3, 2008

You are worth it. You are worth the trouble and effort required to make your life the best it can possibly be. There is so very much you have to express, to give, to experience and to contribute to the magnificent fabric of life.

You are worth the discomfort and frustration that you'll regularly need to get through. You are worth the pain that the world will sometimes offer.

For within you is the capacity for great joy and astounding achievement. Within you are beautiful and worthy dreams that long to be fulfilled.

You are one of a kind and you are filled with a driving purpose. You are worth whatever it takes to give that special purpose a lasting and meaningful expression.

Yes, the disappointments, inconveniences, pains, problems and annoyances will surely and steadily come. Yet they are indeed quite trivial compared to the precious possibilities that live within you.

Make whatever efforts necessary, endure whatever setbacks you must, move forward through whatever challenges may come along. For there is no question that you are worth it.
-- Ralph Marston

Eric & Tracy's Summer Party 2008!

2008-07-02T10:39:00.000-07:00

Host:
Eric and Tracy
Location:
11475 So, 2875 East Garmisch Cove (11400 So. Wastach), Sandy, UT 84092 US View Map
When:
Saturday, August 2, 3:00PM
Phone:
801-571-0996

EVERYONE... it is time for our SUMMER PARTY! For those who have never experienced it, you WILL have a lot of fun!!! We will have a live band, swimming, hot tubbing, food, and of course drinks. It's also Matt Ackerman's 40th birthday, so for those who know him, a funny card or gag gift would be fun! If you have a favorite drink or appetizer you like to bring it's always welcome!

God Bless the U.S.A. by Lee Greenwood

2008-07-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

If tomorrow all the things were gone I’d worked for all my life,

And I had to start again with just my children and my wife.

I’d thank my lucky stars to be living here today,‘

Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.

And I won’t forget the men who died,

who gave that right to me.

And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.‘

Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota, to the hills of Tennessee,

across the plains of Texas,

from sea to shining sea,

From Detroit down to Houston and New York to LA,

Well, there’s pride in every American heart,

and it’s time to stand and say:

I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.

And I won’t forget the men who died,

who gave that right to me.

And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.‘

Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land

GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.

MS-150... what a great time it was!

2008-07-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

This was a phenomenol event!! You are all lifelong friends and I feel lucky to be acquainted with each one of you!!! We rocked... even though "I" lost all my steam Saturday night!

Me Today... So Happy

2008-06-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

Joy... pure sweet joy!

MS - 150 Fundraising Event - Thank You!

2008-06-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

LOTS OF PICS TO COME!!!

Thank you ALL for the fantastic experience to ride with each of you in the MS 150 this past weekend! Wow - what a great event and now a cherished memory! You are all wonderful people, and I love and cherish my friendship with each of you. Can't wait for next year. Love you all! Cindy

Team Roster for Team Wasatch Road Runners

Joline Wondergem
Join Team Wasatch Road Runners
Tony Alarid
Leslie Allaire
David Beckstrand
Juliette Beckstrand
Kerry Brown
Tess Brown
JoDee Carroll
Scott Chase
Richard Drake
Cindy Fitzgerald
Mike Gregg
Clark Harper
Julia Harper
Richard Hughes
Dan Lawler
Pamela Lawler
Karen Levetan
Deni Memmott
Debbie Mintowt-Czyz
Stas Mintowt-Czyz
Gary Mitchell
Kim Nate
Adam Pascale
Philip Pascale
Matthew Snyder
Jill Stearns
Kimberley Tanner
Lisa Tapp
Jordan Wondergem
Mike Wondergem

I love this feeling

2008-06-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mlqzejxa9U8#

I love this song....

2008-06-17T14:52:00.000-07:00

This I Promise You

When the visions around you

Bring tears to your eyes

And all that surround you

Are secrets and lies

I'll be your strength

I'll give you hope

Keeping your faith when it's gone

The one you should call

Was standing here all along

And I will take you in my arms

And hold you right where you belong'

Til the day my life is through

This I promise you

I've loved you forever

In lifetimes before

And I promise you never

Will you hurt anymore

I give you my word

I give you my heart

This is a battle we've won

And with this vow

Forever has now begun

Just close your eyes

Each lovin' day

And know this feeling won't go away

'Til the day my life is through

This I promise you

Over and over I fall

When I hear you call

Without you in my life, baby

I just wouldn't be living at all

And I will take you in my arms

And hold you right where you belong'

Til the day my life is through

This I promise you, baby

Just close your eyes

Each lovin' day

And know this feeling won't go away

Every word I say is true

This I promise you

Every word I say is true

This I promise you

I promise you

I must have these NOW

2008-06-16T14:54:00.001-07:00

Chocolate Chip Cookie S'mores
Recipe courtesy Paula Deen, 2007
See this recipe on air Saturday Jul. 12 at 8:00 PM ET/PT.
Show:
Food Network Specials
Episode:
All-Star Grillfest: South Beach

Canola oil 3 bananas 10 store-bought chocolate chip cookies (the larger the better) 1 cup graham cracker crumbs 1 cup small marshmallows 1 cup chocolate chips
Preheat grill to medium-high heat. Brush grill with canola oil.
Cut the bananas in half, lengthwise and grill, skin side down just until warm. Remove warmed banana from the skin and cut again in half.
For assembly: On a piece of aluminum foil, place 1 cookie. Top evenly with banana slices, marshmallows, chocolate chips, graham cracker crumbs and top with another cookie. Wrap foil around the sandwich and place on the grill until warmed through and melted.

My Father's Day Tribute

2008-06-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Tribute to "My Pops"

In a world of no guarantees and very few certainties...

there is One Man I like to call "My Pops"

He's my #1 Teacher... my #1 Man

the one who quietly watches over me when dark storms roll in

You show me through your love and generosity

that all that really matters is to beat the odds with

perseverence and integrity

You are My # 1 Man that I call "My Pops"

you are truly my rock in life when...

along stumbles in strife

Your love, your honor and humor too

cannot ever be beaten' by anything "too blue"

For you stand taller to me

than any mountain or tree
For you are what living with valor should be
The love in your eyes... the lines on your face

are truly what God simply calls "His Grace"

My Father, you are "My Hero"

Best Friend that a girl could ever have

and I want to thank you for loving me

so completely unconditionally

You are "My Pops" the #1 Man in My Life

and I thank our God for giving you to me

in this time

in this place

I love you beyond anything I have experienced or felt..

For you are the one who shows up

and carries me without help

The sunshine is now peaking through those

cloudy days of mine

But no matter what... happy or sad

I'm the luckiest girl that God gave you to me

as "My Dad"

"I Love You Pops"

your Cyber

My Girls

2008-06-11T15:23:00.000-07:00

I love this one. Our 3 generation picture taken a few months ago.

My girls melt my heart.

Check out my Slide Show!

2008-06-11T09:15:00.001-07:00

Check out my Slide Show!

2008-06-11T08:54:00.001-07:00

"Flying Free" .... From a Dear Friend

2008-06-09T15:04:00.000-07:00

FLYING FREE

There is a place I call my own
Where i can stand by the sea
And look beyond the things I've known
And dream that I might be free.
Like the bird above the trees
Gliding gently on the breeze
I wish that all my life
I'd be without a care
And flying free.

But life is not a distant sky
Without a cloud without rain
And I can never hope that I
Can travel on without pain.
Time goes swiftly on its way
All too soon we've lost today
And I can not wait for skies of blue
Or dream so long that life is through.

So life is a song that I must sing
A gift of love I must share
And when I see the joy it brings my spirits soar
Through the air.
Like that bird up in the sky
Life has taught me how to fly
For now I know what I can be and now my
Heart is flying free.

Check out my Slide Show!

2008-06-09T14:49:00.001-07:00

Vegas Get-A-Way!

2008-06-09T13:41:00.000-07:00

See this? Yeah, I'm talking to you! This is where I'll be in 10 more days! Red Rock Hotel & Spa in Las Vegas... here we come!!!

The Little Red Riding Hood Ride....

2008-06-09T13:32:00.000-07:00

okay... we DID IT! 6 of us brave gals from the "Roadrunners" finished this 46 mile BEAST of a ride on behalf of the Cancer Institute! It was a challenging one - we rode in rain, sleet, hail - yep.. and headwinds the whole entire ride. So, needless to say, we got at least 3x the workout out of it - (always try to find the bright side to everything, right?) Then we feasted on a picnic lunch in the park. It was actually a blast being with these fun girls. I love them all! I'll be posting pictures tomorrow!

This is the next parfume I want

2008-06-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

This has to smell incredible.

Girls Night Out!

2008-06-06T12:03:00.000-07:00

Girls Night Out.. to see THIS. Tuesday, 6/10

Dinner at Iggy's!

Andrew Update!

2008-05-29T13:03:00.000-07:00

Well, time has passed both slowly & quickly over the last 5 months for our family. Andrew is in the 2nd and final level of his rehab program as of tomorrow. He will actually be leading the group (65 total) and has earned this from his hard work. He has also finished testing the last two days for his GED - so when he walks out of Salt Lake Metro, he will have that behind him. Our family is ready for him to come home. His Dad and I are making some fresh new arrangements that I hope will work as a more stable support system to keep him on the road to recovery. Andrew feels this program has helped him finally and wants more than anything for true change in his life. He's ready to walk away from it all (drugs, alcohol, bad friends and bad choices). He and I have been talking about his goals, what he wants out of his life and a new course of direction. It feels really really good. His letters to us are powerful. I received one yesterday, that I believe was somewhere around 8 pages long. He's such a strong person and I admire him so much. I feel both his strength and conviction in his words, very powerful. Tomorrow I will post some of the things he said in his letter to me. Keep praying, family! I think the countdown to his release is now a whoppin' 31 days!!! I so do love this boy!

My Favorite Pampering Treat

2008-05-29T12:48:00.000-07:00

For the last 5 weeks, I've been in physical therapy 4 times a week for some pain and burning in my neck, back and jaw... yeah weird huh. I'm feeling soooo much better, words cannot convey. (except now I have a weird rash on one side of my body) So, my boys gave me a gift certificate for Mother's Day to a fabulous local spa for yep, a "MASSAGE". You just don't know how much I am looking forward to it this weekend!

Fung Shuei Horoscope

2008-05-29T12:44:00.000-07:00

Watch your 'Thoughts,' they become Words.
Watch your 'Words, ' they become Actions.
Watch your 'Actions,' they become Habits.
Watch your 'Habits,' they become Character.
Watch your 'Character, ' for it becomes your Destiny.

Best Weight Loss Secret

2008-05-14T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hey... I have the best secret on the planet for weight loss if anyone wants to know.

Yes, it works. I know those abs. :)

This was a fun night....

2008-05-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

I came across this picture of Kevin, Andrew (center) & Logan

They were goin' out on the town for 80's night! Quite the energy, these 3!

Trev's Jr. Prom 2008!

2008-05-12T11:05:00.000-07:00

Brandan, Zach, Trevor & Westin (l to r)

Gussied up for Jr. Prom! The one in the white, my boy...!

Captured this before Steve was ready!

This was quite the memory

Family Photos

2008-05-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

Time to post pictures of all the other kids, right? ok ok.... they're coming!

Liv has the best expressions ever

2008-05-06T15:59:00.000-07:00

Our Girls Trip Down Memory Lane

2008-05-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

Livia age 3 (left) & Ashlee age 4 My Girl Liv
Ashlee (left) & Livia

Soul Sisters for Life

These shots of the "little girls" are soooo freakin' cute we just didn't need any of the "big girls"!!!

My 1st Magazine Photo!

2008-05-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

Yep, it's my smile (and my own teeth, really.) Vanity Fair contacted me (ok, who gave them my number?) to ask if they could use this image in their upcoming June issue on how "good oral hygiene attracts attention", mmmm interesting huh? Hey, what do I have to lose. I need lots of attention, ... right.

Great, Now They Tell Us

2008-05-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

YOUR MAN'S MOOD SWINGS

By Elise Nersesian

Trying to figure out the best time to broach a touchy topic, ask your guy a favor or convince him to do something you know he’ll dread? Well, it’s easier than you think if you learn how to tune in to his body clock, says Gabrielle Lichterman, founder of Hormonology.info and co-author of 28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals About Your Love Life, Moods, and Potential. While women, we all know, experience hormone-induced mood swings on a monthly basis, Lichterman attests that men, too, are affected by hormonal highs and lows—only their levels fluctuate daily. Want to get his hormones working for you? Read on.

If you need his help moving, fighting, or fixing something… Ask: from 9-12 a.m.It should come as no surprise that guys wake up bursting with testosterone. And aside from the obvious frisky factor, this surge in hormones makes him ambitious and determined, says Lichterman. This is the perfect time to ask him for a favor, particularly one that makes him feel like Mr. Fix-It. Buying a car? Indulge his competitive streak, and drag him along to help you haggle with the salesman and score a great deal. Or, cash in on his peak in spatial thinking and ask him to move your couch, or measure your closet space. He’ll feel heroic, and you’ll reap the benefits.

If you want to get him to agree to your plans…Ask: from 3-4 p.m.Trying to convince him to sign up for ballroom dancing lessons, commit to your new book club or otherwise agree to do something that would normally send men screaming in the opposite direction? Then this late-afternoon window is the perfect opportunity, says Lichterman, since his super-low testosterone levels will make him mellow and amenable to pretty much anything you throw on the table.

If you want to broach a touchy topic…Ask: from 8-10 p.m.At this hour, another hormone called oxytocin — a.k.a. the “cuddle hormone” due to its intimacy-inducing effects — is on the rise in his bloodstream, says Lichterman. That means this is a prime time to resolve a lingering spat (“It hurt my feelings when you didn’t call today”) or get a grievance off your chest (“Will you please shave your goatee?”). You’ll probably get met with nothing but a sincere apology and the promise to change his ways. Sure, his sweetness may be as much due to timing as a true desire to please, but hey, who cares as long as your wish is his command?

Cinco de Mayo 2008!

2008-05-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

It's Here! Cinco de Mayo! My 1st Annual Party Starts at 7:00pm. Be THERE or be SQUARE.

It's all in the Food!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY on APRIL 29th CLARKY!

2008-04-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to a "one in a million" brother-in-law!

I love this man my sister married... wish I could clone him!!!

Girl's Weekend Coming

2008-04-23T15:19:00.001-07:00

Yay! It's here! Lisa & Ashlee (flying in from Cali), Julia & Annie, Brittany & Livia, Stefanie, Cindy & Maggie Mama are all going to be hangin' out at "The Gathering Place" in Ivins this weekend! We've waited months for this! IT'S HERE GIRLS!!! The agenda you ask? 1. Sunbathing in beautiful surroundings 2. Eating lots of good food, laughing, talking, reading, movie watching, shopping and just whatever it is that your little hearts desire! Oh did I miss the massages over at Red Mountain?

A Great Quote A Good Friend Shared With Me Today

2008-04-15T16:09:00.000-07:00

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold timid souls who know neither victory not defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt

Do This! Little Red Riding Hood Cycling Event

2008-04-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

Little Red Riding Hood — June 7, 2008 Women Only Cycling Event! No Cowboys are allowed to ride but they are more than welcome to volunteer!
Registration Now Open!

The Bonneville Cycling Club invites you to participate in its fully supported, non-competitive, Women only century.
Spend the day riding through beautiful Cache Valley in Northern Utah. This year we will also have the popular 36, 46, 64 an 80 mile route options for those riders that feel they can't quite ride the full 104 miles. This ride is one of only two women only metrics in the U.S. The route is a loop through the Valley on rural & country (paved) roads. The terrain is mostly flat, with some rolling hills (that means there are NO big climbs).
Last year the Little Red Riding Hood raised over $17,000 which was donated to the Huntsman Cancer Institute and earmarked for breast cancer research. Honoring that tradition, this year's Little Red will again be raising money for some of the most serious issues facing women today.
Once again, this year, to continue LRRH's reputation of having the best road support, the great team of Bingham Cyclery, and Contender Bicycles will be on hand to give their road support and make minor bike adjustments before the ride. Utah ARES (Amateur Radio Emergency Services) of Box Elder, Cache, and Salt Lake counties will assist with on road communications as well as SAG. This combined cyclist support effort makes this event one that you must not miss.
Don't miss out on this amazing event!

My mood today...

2008-04-10T10:06:00.000-07:00

My heart is happy!

My Impact Letter to Andrew

2008-04-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

Andrew asked me to write to him an impact letter that he will be reading in his CATS program. He told me not to hold anything back. Wow. This was the hardest letter of my life to write but I thought I would share it with all the people that I love and that have loved us back.

April 8, 2008

My Dearest Andrew,

I’m sitting here at my computer at work looking blankly at this page, trying my hardest to be strong so that I can write this letter to you. I am also unsure of where I should start. I guess I go way back to the beginning. I “think” I know where that place and time is.

In the heart of a Mother, I think your pain started when Dad and I announced our divorce to you 4 beautiful, sweet, innocent little kids. I remember the day as though it was today. I remember us sitting upstairs in our master bedroom at Danish Hills Circle, but even more vividly than that, I will never forget looking into the devastated faces of each one of my precious angels. I felt like “I” was stabbing each of my very “own” with a knife right into your little hearts. It was the most horrifically sick feeling. I will never in this life forget that day and that moment.

There was a definite distinction between each of you and your broken hearts and how you took it. I remember Brittany sat just staring in disbelief, then broke into sadness and tears, she was 16. Landon broke down hard crying with his head down on the floor and sobbed and hit the floor over and over, he was 13. My Andrew went over to the wall and hit it repeatedly screaming no, no, no!!! You were 9. Trevor screamed and cried hard because he was so young, he didn’t understand, but he saw all of his brothers and his sister crying, so all he knew is that something really bad had happened to our family, he was just 6. All very tender ages. I felt like the worst Mother on the planet. My babies were my life, and I felt like I had just killed them. It still haunts me to this very day. I tell you this in this letter because I feel that maybe this is where your pain began.

After we sold our home that you kids grew up in, we moved to the Carriage Chase home and I married Ken. What a screw up that marriage was. It was a great house, and we had some fun times, but Ken had ulterior motives, and I think we all felt a bad vibe and undertone in our lives that year. It was during that year, that I recall my boy started to show signs of alcohol and drug abuse. Your grades fell to D’s and F’s, your friends didn’t show much respect to us or our home, you were getting into a lot of fights and had started to have problems with the law… and I felt like I was losing my boy. You were close friends to the Mattson boys, Logan and Levi, and I remember being extremely concerned because Levi was much older than you and he and his friends were coming late at night and taking you “somewhere” and I didn’t know where. You would come home late on a school night and it was obvious we had a drug problem going on at that time. I think you were about 14. I wish now, looking back that I had the resources and the support system around me to get you into a rehab while you were under 18 and your Dad and I still had parental rights over you.

Ken and I finally split in the Spring after a hellish year. I think that was the summer that I got the call that Levi had killed himself in his home in front of his Mom. That was the worst call that we have ever had. I couldn’t believe it… that my son had lost his best friend to suicide. Everything in that moment stopped and everything that could happen to my boy flashed through my mind. You took it extremely hard. You made a memorial for him at his graveside and spent a lot of time there with friends – I think it was healthy for you to mourn him this way. It killed me to watch you hurt so much and I didn’t know how to help you. You needed time and healing. We started counseling – I don’t know if it really helped you or not. We couldn’t get you to talk about it with us much. The counselor wouldn’t even answer our calls to him – privacy laws I guess. We just didn’t know what was going on and felt like we were really in the dark. Things started to get pretty bad after Levi’s death. I remember one weekend when Al and I was visiting Grandma and Grandpa in St. George – I got the call. You had broke into our home with a bunch of friends and partied in the basement and completely trashed it after we had just remodeled it. The cops were called because you were threatening suicide and said you had the gun to do it. Your friends were scared. You were taken by ambulance to UNI – the neuropsychological unit at the University Hospital. You spent about a week there. We hoped and prayed that this would be a big wake up call and be the chance that you would start to open up to us and talk about what was going on in your life. What I found out later, was that you hated us, especially me, despised me for admitting you into UNI. I only thought this would be a good thing – a way to stop you from the self-sabotaging behavior we were watching you go through. While in UNI the counselors determined that I couldn’t manage you and Trevor both by myself as a single mother, working full time and that Dad needed to step in and help more. So you went to live with him after you were released. You relapsed fairly quickly if I remember right – and blamed me for a lot of your problems. I think that drove a wedge between us for awhile. We were both angry and hurt and I felt like you had abused our home and family environment and didn’t really care. I felt so violated and disrespected. I even had worries for my safety at times because of your hostility towards me, and whatever drugs you were using that were altering your state of mind at that time.

Your anger and unresolved issues with the pain you were carrying around escalated into deeper, more dangerous drug abuse. You moved in with your lady friend, Kim for awhile. I think she was about my age, 46. We soon found out you were doing meth in her home with her and other underage kids. She was providing the meth and food for you, in return for baby sitting services for her little girl. This scared us horribly. We should have turned her in, but I remember thinking at the time, she knew enough “bad” people, she probably would have had us “fixed” in some way. Once again, we felt “caught” and didn’t know what move to make. I remember you coming to our home one day with Kim and her little girl so that we could meet her. You also told us that you were looking at a home in our neighborhood and that Kim was thinking about buying it. HOLY $#@*, I thought! That day, you looked so bad sweetie, you were skin and bones with a dark face, dark hollow eyes, sores on your face, and you acted distant to us. Where was my little boy? Where did he go? I felt like part of you had died. You were so mixed up in something that I couldn’t even totally explain to anyone. Then one day Dad got the call to come and get you from her house because you were scared and she was having you place security cameras all over her house for her. Her ex was trying to turn her in and gain custody of their little girl, so she was having everyone watched that came to her house. You were caught up in a messy situation that could have really hurt you. This was agonizing for us to feel so out of control and watch you be in this. I attempted to turn her in but changed my mind after I talked to the police about her because of what might happen to not only you, but the rest of our family.

Over time, we tried to help you with what resources we had. We put you in UNI with the help of Grandpa one more time to detox from heroin use. You didn’t want to go to any outpatient programs once you were released because you felt that you could manage your cravings if you could just be on methadone and Xanax for a short period of time. So we found 2 doctors’ that were willing to give you both, but only a one time deal. You abused both of them from the beginning. I remember coming to Dad’s apartment over my lunch hours to see you and you were a wreck – you needed more. I felt like we were all tangled up in this vicious cycle together. It was a nightmare. You were so overly drugged on Xanax at times, you couldn’t even walk or stand straight. We were now the enablers of another drug problem. We stopped finding ways to help buy you more. You were still seeing Cara and she was a horrible girlfriend to you. She verbally berated you daily and it killed your Dad and I to watch this going on. She is not good for you, nor will she ever be. I know you wanted to please her, to get her approval, so you did a lot of things for her. You started to steal, I mean steal everything you could get your hands on. Most of our DVD collection, my checks that were forged by you and Cara for hundreds of dollars plus all the bank charges it cost me, Landon’s checks that you forged during Christmas time and took every dime he had worked hard for and saved up while working to go to college – something around $1,000. You stole Dad’s painting equipment, his DVD collection, money, checks – everything he had. You stole Al’s vintage gun that his Father gave him before he passed away, you stole my makeup and returned it to stores to get money back you were so desperate, you stole a lot of Trevor’s clothing, his iPod, Gameboy, money out of his wallet and room – all gifts from us. You stole from Grandpa while he was trying to help you pay off court fines. He drove all the way up from Fairview to help you that day and take you to the right courthouse so you could pay your fine off – he thought you were doing better, but you set him up and never paid the fine. My marriage to Al was fairly new, so you can imagine how this spun us. I was trying to help you, to reach out to you, but Al was angry at me for every attempt that I made. Al, also, wasn’t good for me or any of our family members. Brittany & Jaron took you to Dad’s one night after you walked miles and miles to their house, on foot, carrying all your personal belongings after you had been asked to move out of our homes. It was devastating for them to see you this way. They wanted to help you and were willing to help pay for a rehab program for you had you been willing to say “yes, I need help. I’m ready”. But you weren’t ready. It had been several days since we had seen you. I think those were the darkest days of my entire life, worrying about you on the streets. Every time my phone rang my heart fell in fear of what news I may be hearing at that very moment.

So you stayed at Dad’s again – he was willing to take you in, willing to take more risk after all that had been taken from him, and all the stress he was undergoing. I don’t know how he managed it. He soon had to contact the police again to start reporting things that were coming up missing. He even went to some of the pawn shops to buy his paint equipment back, or he would be out of work. Dad even drove you to one of the drug dealers’ homes to pay him off (not knowing this was a set up for him to give you more money) or the drug dealer was going to come back and kill you and possibly your family. This time they knew where you lived. Another drug dealer put a gun to your head upon arriving to his house to pay him his drug money that you “borrowed” from Dad, he withdrew it and emptied the bullet from it and gave it to you to remind you not to $#@& with him ever again, or? Do you know that I still have that bullet? You asked me to keep it for you as a reminder of this time in your life.

I knew the only safe place for you was in jail. I prayed for it. Dad finally blew the whistle on you and called the police while you stole red-handed from him in his apartment with him there, for the last time. The day he made that call to me to tell me the news was the day I fell to the floor and cried. I knew at least you were safe from yourself – I just wanted you safe.

It’s been over 8 months or so since the first time you went in to Salt Lake Metro. What I see today is a different Andrew. I have literally watched a transformation in you in the time that you have been there. I know it is difficult son. My heart aches at times to watch you go through this painful process of not being able to see your family and because I miss you and long to hug you, but I know this is a necessary step for you and your recovery. I know my son has in him the power and the tenacity to beat this ugly addiction. You are very resilient Andrew. You have a very strong mind. I forgive you son for everything that has happened. Bottom line is you have accepted responsibility for what you’ve done and you recognize that you made the choices that you did – that’s the MOST IMPORTANT thing, for you to recognize this. You have accepted the punishment that was given to you. Realize that with coming through this, you can beat anything in life, anything. You are strong and you will do it!!! I’m so grateful that you are in CATS. This is a blessing for you and I want you to recognize that every day that God gives to you is a gift. You can do with it what YOU want. Every day we make choices – to be positive… or negative. Decide every day when you wake up, to be positive and I promise you your experience in CATS will put you on a return path to full recovery. Do the hard stuff now, ok? I love you more than you could possibly ever know. Your self worth is everything in this life. Please regard it as something very sacred. Let no one and no thing ever steal that away from you again. You are holding all the POWER for YOU.

I love you with all of my heart.

Stay the course sweetie.
Forever,
Mom

My mood today...

2008-04-02T10:18:00.001-07:00

wanna play?

American Idol's Final 9... David you've got to win this!

2008-04-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

My pics are... #1, David Archuleta... #2, David Cook... #3, Michael Johns... #4, Brooke White

Mama.. it was so fun wathcing A.I. and eating sushi with you last night! I just love ya!

Ice Cream Tongiht Liv?

2008-04-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

My Horoscope Today

2008-03-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

March 28, 2008

Leo...

Your head may be buzzing with activity, dear Leo. Suddenly, it seems like the spotlight has been turned on. Your mind is on stage and your brainpower is being tested. Are you prepared to stand up to the challenge? Whether you are ready or not, it is here. Remember the importance of individuality. Don't become another typical cookie from the cookie cutter. Be your own person and think for yourself.

... I don't like being a cookie... shouldn't be too hard whatever it is I'm in the spotlight to do, yeah?

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Can't Resist...

2008-03-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

Seriously... this was one of the funnest parties of MY LIFE!
Julia, you were a great sport...

Remnants from Julia's Bachelorette Party!

2008-03-28T11:30:00.000-07:00

Remember this one ladies? Check out the red tights on Julia to the left. WHAT A GREAT BACHELORETTE PARTY WE HAD!

My mood today...

2008-03-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

Testy, a bit ambivalent, with a hint of sneaky coyishness around the edges

Louver Shutters?

2008-03-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

I've been looking for something out of the ordinary to organize my invites, photos, you name it!

These are shutters!

Are you a sugar addict? I am!

2008-03-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

Answer Each of These Questions Honestly
1. Do you have something with refined sugar every day?
2. Do you keep a stash of chocolate or other sugary foods?
3. Do you crave sweets cyclically during the month?
4. Do you eat sweet foods in excess when you have them?
5. Do your sugar cravings compel you to act in impulsive ways, such as driving to the store late at night?
6. Do you frequently suffer from lulls in energy in the afternoon?
7. Do you eat sweets when you're stressed or when you're sad?
8. Do you often eat sugary foods in place of healthier foods?
9. Do you often crave something sweet after eating lunch or dinner?
10. Do you often skip breakfast or eat erratically?
If you answered yes to one to three questionsYou have a healthy relationship with sugar. Your diet is probably well balanced and full of vital nutrients.
If you answered yes to four to six questionsYou enjoy your sugar but seem to manage your intake well. Watch for added sugars, and pay attention to what triggers your cravings.
If you answered yes to seven to 10 questionsYou may have an unhealthy attachment to sugar. Pay close attention to your intake of added sugars and carefully monitor your cravings. Chronic sugar indulgence can lead to serious health complications.
Get expert advice on breaking your sugar habit.
First Published: April/May 2007

A woman can never have too many of these....

2008-03-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

Ayy ya yayy.... I could live in these 24/7... can't wait for Summer!

I even love them for sleeping in...

Almost perfect sandal...

2008-03-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

Can they put a 1/2" heel on these please? I love them!